I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
