Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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