I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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