All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
