If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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