note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
