I feel like abortions should bother me more
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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