3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
