there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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