There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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