I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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