My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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