new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
