Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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