I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
