Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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