I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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