Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
