i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
