And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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