so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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