Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
