if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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