she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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