there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
