Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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