areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
