omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
