I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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