get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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