I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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