hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize