you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
