just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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