Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize