he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
