My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
