so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
