I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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