Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
