everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
