Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
