Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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