WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
