listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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