He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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