LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
