I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
