i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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