I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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