i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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