Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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