I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize