is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
