I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
