Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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