Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
