fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
