Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he's gonorrhea incarnate
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
3 2 1 whiskey
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
