Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
