I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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