please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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