I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
